Sebagai istri Kyai, Nyai otomatis menjadi public figure. Relasi pasangan suami dan istri tidak ada yang linier, tetapi penuh ketegangan yang bisa memicu konflik. Kenyataannya, mayoritas Nyai mampu mengelola ketegangan kerumahtanggaan secara bijak. Pertanyaan besarnya: mengapa Nyai mampu mengelola rumah tangganya secara baik terutama dalam mengendalikan diri sebagai istri Kyai. Penjabarannya: 1) Bagaimana pandangan Nyai pesantren di Kota Semarang terhadap peran kerumahtanggaan? 2) Bagaimana ia meresepsi hadis-hadis tentang gender pada perannya dalam kerumahtanggaan secara teologis dan sosiologis? 3) Mengapa ia meresepsi hadis-hadis tentang gender pada perannya dalam kerumahtanggaan begitu? Objek kajian dan sumber data primernya Nyai yang berstatus istri Kyai pesantren di Kota Semarang. Key informan dipilih secara acak, tetapi memperhatikan diversitas latar belakang keluarga, usia, pendidikan, dan pengalamannya. Informan pendukungnya Kyai atau keluarga. Data diolah dan dianalisis dengan pendekatan resepsi, hermeneutika dan komunikasi. Hasilnya: 1) pandangan Nyai pesantren di Kota Semarang secara kognitif sama cenderung tradisional. 2) Secara teologis, Nyai pesantren di Kota Semarang meresepsi hadis tentang peran istri dan suami secara utuh (tekstual). Secara sosiologis, totalitas situasional kerumahtanggaan setiap Nyai berbeda, termasuk kecenderungannya. Maka secara praksis sikap Nyai pesantren pada peran kerumahtanggaan berbeda-beda: tradisional liberal, tradisional moderat, dan tradisional radikal. 3) Orientasi dan kesadaran Nyai pesantren beragam: karena kewajiban, stabilitas dan harmoni, koneksi dan integrasi, serta anak. Temuan ini membantah teori yang menyatakan bahwa pandangan dan pemahaman reader terhadap teks keagamaan termasuk hadis disebabkan karena latar belakang pendidikan, pengalaman, sosial, dan budaya. Sebaliknya, menguatkan teori peran. Temuan lainnya, berupa model komunikasi istri dengan suami melalui pendekatan yang halus (persuasive) berupa pelayanan prima sehingga menyentuh perasaannya. Dampaknya, sikap suami yang semakin sayang dan cinta pada istrinya. Implikasinya: pada diversitas konsep tentang keadilan gender dalam kerumahtanggaan.

ABSTRACT:
As a Kyai's wife, Nyai automatically becomes a public figure. The relationship between husband and wife is not linear, but full of tension that can trigger conflict. In fact, the majority of Nyai can manage domestic tensions wisely. The big question: why Nyai able are to manage their household well, especially in controlling themselves as Kyai's wife. The description: 1) What is the view of the Nyai Pesantren in Semarang City regarding household roles? 2) How does he perceive the hadiths about gender in his role in household theologically and sociologically? 3) Why does he perceive traditions about gender in his role in the household? The object of study and primary data source is Nyai, who is the wife of a pesantren Kyai in Semarang City. Key informants were randomly selected, but considering the diversity of family backgrounds, ages, educations, and experiences. Kyai or family supporting informants. The data is processed and analyzed using reception, hermeneutic and communication approaches. The results: 1) the views of Nyai Pesantren in Semarang City are cognitively the same as traditional. 2) Theologically, the Nyai pesantren in Semarang City perceive the hadith about the roles of the wife and husband as a whole (textually). Sociologically, each Nyai's household situational totality is different, including her tendencies. Thus, practically, the attitude of the Nyai towards the household role varies traditional liberal, traditional moderate, and traditional radical. 3) Nyai's orientation and awareness are diverse: due to obligations, stability and harmony, connection and integration, and children. This finding refutes the theory which states that readers' views and understanding of religious texts including hadiths are caused by educational, experiential, social, and cultural backgrounds. Instead, reinforce role theory. Another finding is in the form of a wife-husband communication model through a subtle (persuasive) approach in the form of excellent service so that it touches her feelings. As a result, the husband's attitude is increasingly affectionate and in love with his wife. The implication: on the diversity of concepts about gender justice in the household.